The darkness of the evening sky, is illuminated by stars;
and lays
himself down to drift to sleep;
he awaits another star;
Soon, he wishes he was among
the stars in the heavens.
Kelly Yeomans
Kelly Yeomans was 13 years old when she stopped waiting on her star, on September 29, 1997. Until that day, Kelly lived in the working-class Allenton neighborhood of Derby, 130 miles northwest of London,England.
For three years Kelly endured ridicule and torment from classmates who threw salt in her school lunch and tossed her clothes into the garbage. If that weren't enough, one night about a week before she had all she could take, the bullies gathered outside her parents home and threw stones at the house. Then to add insult to injury they slammed the house with eggs and butter (ingredients used to make a cake) calling her names such as fatty and smelly, and so forth.
Kelly was described as "a bubbly, charming little angel who would do anything for anybody", a "chubby, sweet-faced 13-year old". She played the tambourine in the local Salvation Army band and visited the elderly. She was regularly teased about her weight and always left her gym class after everyone else in an attempt to avoid being seen by her classmates in her gym clothes.
For several consecutive nights, neighbors noted a gang of about 15 young people attacking Kelly's house throwing food through the windows and shouting words of abuse. Finally, Kelly told her parents that she had stood all she could and planned to take an overdose and end it all. Although they knew she was very depressed, they didn't think she would really do it.
As her parents slept on September 29, 1997, Kelly followed through as promised. Her tormentors had won, she took a fatal dose of painkillers and her suicide-attempt was a success, and her bullies had succeeded as well.
I didn't know Kelly, I read her story in the Thursday, October 2, 1997 edition of The Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch as tears streamed down my face.
I felt the need to devote a webpage here on this site devoted to BBW's and the men who admire them as most of us can relate to Kelly's pain all too well. I never had blocks of margarine tossed through my windows and kids standing outside my home at night shouting cruel names, but I endured many days of tears at the hands of mean kids who sought to look "cool" somehow to their friends by calling me names. Kids whose hope it was to elevate their own self worths by stomping on mine.
One boy in particular, I still have trouble forgiving after all these years,would stand at the opposite end of a very long hallway, with many classmates in between us,waiting for me to come around the corner on the way to class and would shout "Hey Moose" at the top of his lungs and make the loudest moose-like sounds he could as his buddies laughed at my expense. There are many more stories like that one.
I'm sure there are many of you with similar stories.
When looking for a poem to add to Kelly's page, I came across "Lost Among the Stars" and it seemed to fit perfectly.
I think Kelly longed for the day she'd be happy and her tormentors would finally leave her in peace...her bright star. She would look to the heavens and try so hard to grasp that star, longing so badly for the day she would at last be accepted and loved by her peers. She had the strong voice inside her telling her it was not to be. This was the social pressure telling her that she would never reach that day until she was no longer being made fun of for her weight, and that till she did something to dump the weight, that day would not come, so she lowered her head and would weep, frightened by the blackness of her despair and the solitude she felt in her lonely, breaking heart. She became aware of the night's biting chill and laid herself down to sleep, dreaming of that bright star. Many of us, after trying and trying to capture our own bright stars, give up and enter a world of dreams of one day finally being loved and accepted for who we are without having to change or pretend we're something we aren't.
The sun rises and for a moment the clouds break and she feels the suns warming love. The moments of acceptance she received from family and her position in the band and visiting the elderly would make her feel good and give her renewed hope that she was loved and accepted. But then the clouds would return and the warmth gone as the classmates tortured her again.
The day passes by, and she awaits the night soon realizing the bright star is not to return. Many victims of bullying come to expect the torment and can usually know when it's going to happen... thus getting to the point of expecting it...and giving up on it ever ending.
"With fear tearing her apart she looks towards the cold evening sky. Soon she wishes she was among the stars of heaven. She cries in pain for she knows the chill of night is her fate, and the warmth of the sun was never meant to be. " Seeing no way out of her pain she looked towards the coldness of death, wondering if that would be her answer..hoping that in death she would find peace at last and would be beautiful and accepted at last...and seeing that as her only fate she comes to believe the warmth of love and acceptance and freedom from her bullies would never come, and so she ended her young life.
Suicide is a very real thing. Thousands of teenagers follow through with threats every year as they sink deeper into their depression feeling this is the only way to gain peace. Bigotry is a very real enemy of all of ours, and all too often it goes hand in hand with the sorrow and despair experienced by those whom society deems as the unlovely. Many times, society's views of what is beautiful and what is not is defined by the media. Every day we have commercials, ads, movies, etc. slamming us with the opinions that if you aren't a certain height, a certain weight, a certain skin color, sexual and religious preference you aren't worthy to exist amonth the social elite.
How many of our hard earned dollars are thrown away on diet products, the top of the line cosmetics, any attempt we can find to gain that dream of being among the beautiful people of the world.
The problem with that is this. Who sets the standard for what is acceptable and what is not? Is beauty and desirability not in the eye of the beholder? How many of us have endured the pain and bullying Kelly had to deal with every day? How many of us sat at home or crouched in corners crying because we thought we could never match up to what people around us expected of us?
Another question: How many of us have secretly been attracted to a type of person the media and popular culture tells us aren't the beautiful people of the world, and how often have we kept our attraction for this type of person hidden for fear of being belittled by our peers? There are many men out there who admit to being attracted to BBW's for as long as they can remember, but never dated one till they were well into their adult years and reached the point where they didn't care what people thought anymore?
Since this website is devoted to big, beautiful women and the men who admire them, I'll address that arena, although it can hold true for other areas of society as well.
BBW's, hold your head up high and realize you ARE your own bright star..it's in your grasp all along. You don't have to perform to gain anyone else's acceptance, you don't have to strive every day to be something you think the rest of the world wants you to be, because there are so many definitions of beautiful in this world, none of us can ever be beautiful to the entire world. Be the best YOU you can be TODAY. Too often we look to the future for when our happiness will finally be ours..reaching for that bright star we think is so elusive. That bright star is within each of us all the days of our lives. We just have to let it shine through us so the rest of the world can see it today...not "if only.." or "someday when..." but right this very moment.
We dim our stars ourselves by buying into the popular idea that we aren't good enough unless this or unless that. Just like Kelly, who was a beautiful, vibrant, loving young lady, each of us have those qualities within us but we don't see it because we believe what popular culture tells us we should be. As big women popular culture tells us "you have such a pretty face, if you'd only lose the weight you could have your pick of suiters". How many of us have heard that more times than we care to remember? As men who admire BBWs, popular culture tells you that something is wrong with you if you don't lust after the swimsuit models. How many of you stifle the desire to be with a voluptuous, curvy woman of substance both inside as well as out because of social pressures? You too, need to seek the type of woman you deserve to be with..one who will make you happy..not necessarily who makes popular culture satisfied to see on your arm.
Ladies, dump the housecoats, tent dresses, and polyester pants and come alive. You have your bright star in your hearts let it shine. Be the best YOU you can be TODAY. Don't let the bullies bully you...fight back with intelligence, and by proving to them that we ARE beautiful JUST AS WE ARE.
Your stars are right there...just polish them up,girls, and let them shine, shine, shine. Then help show the Kelly's of the world just how beautiful they are RIGHT NOW, help them build their self esteems so they don't buy into the social pressure popular culture pounds into them. Also, please please help the Kelly's of the world to use the resources at their disposals to stop the bullying, and help them get the confidence they need to stand up and fight back.
In conclusion, I'd like to ask those reading this page to keep Kelly's family and friends in your prayers. I pray that God will help them in their time of grief and that those bullies who pushed Kelly to the point they did will recieve the proper attention they need to learn the error and the consequences of their cruelty, that they may learn that in their ridicule and harrassment of this beautiful, young lady, they themselves are the ones in search of their stars, hoping to climb to reach them by stepping over Kelly. Kelly had her star all along.